Parenting today.
It’s hard.
According to 75% of what I read online about, as a parent, I’m doomed to a messy house and public tantrums.
Oh yes, I will also be fixing separate meals to cater to each of my children; and of course I will be cooking them, because if I try going out to eat at a restaurant, I can be sure the little brats, er, darlings will be running wild all over the place.
We won’t get started on how my kids will all eventually run around half naked because the laundry piled up so bad that there are no clean clothes for them to wear. Or, it could just have to do with the fact that I was too tired to fight my toddler, so I decided that he didn’t need dressed after all.
I will also have to lie to my kids in order to have a moment’s peace, and I will get really good at yelling.
Honestly? After reading these funny(?) parenting stories I find myself wondering why in the world I ever decided to have kids.
Why did I decide I want kids, if that’s my future?
Let’s look at the past.
I didn’t grow up with a messy house and public tantrums. I grew up as the oldest of 6, the two youngest were 14 and 16 years younger than me. I actually had a lot to do with raising them, including (but not limited to) baby wearing, potty training, doing schoolwork with a baby on my lap and general training.
My mom was a stay at home, work at home mom. She ran her household well. Yes, sometimes it was messy, but she gave each of us chores and we were responsible for helping keep the house clean. Each Saturday the house was swept and dusted if not perfectly, then at least better than nothing.
Monday’s we did laundry. 8 people make a lot of laundry, especially so considering there were 4 boys, and the fact that we lived on a farm. Despite all that, we were usually done washing, drying and (gasp) ironing by Wednesday.
There were a few times that nakedness happened, mostly the whole shirt but no pants thing. However, it wasn’t the norm or encouraged at all.
Each of us kids had a few foods we disliked. However, with 8 people, one didn’t just fix separate meals for everyone. We ate, or we didn’t. There weren’t many mealtime battles because mom and dad always won. We ate it, or went hungry. It worked. Restaurants were rare anyways, but we had to stay sitting on our seats. Yes, we were rowdy and loud at times, but we were having lots of fun. (Ever stuck a straw into a jello cube and sucked? Hilarius!)
And the tantrums. Here’s the deal, I remember the little boys both threw a few tantrums when they were 1-2 years old, but I really do not recall that ever happening in public. Not saying we were angels in public (there was a time 3 of us knew we left little sis behind in the toy isle, but didn’t tell mom b/c we were mad at her) but tantrums were not permitted. At home, or in public.
The yelling… Okay, so my mom yelled, she yelled a lot. 🙂 But my dad didn’t. He almost never raised his voice at us, but we listened to him, oh we listened. When daddy had to paddle us, we knew we were in deep doo-doo for sure. I would like to know the difference, between the yelling and not yelling. I would like to be like my dad and be calm, time will tell what will happen there.
Back to the present and my worries of being doomed to a messy house and public tantrums. What is the difference between parenting in the time I grew up in, and parenting now? Or is the difference my mom?
I know we weren’t perfect kids, I know it wasn’t easy, but my mom managed to keep a home that wasn’t filthy. She and daddy trained us and tantrums were not permitted. In spite of her many imperfections, mother managed what a lot of parents claim is impossible and unrealistic, when it comes to raising children.
Yes, my house is sometimes dirty, yes, sometimes we run a bit low on clean clothes. I don’t know what my child will be like as a toddler, but that’s going to be an adventure I’m sure. However, I do know this. With the wonderful example that my mom set, I don’t have to just give up and say, “well, this is just how it is”.
I still need to allow myself a small amount of grace though. And if you are reading this and feeling discouraged, let me finish. I work outside the home full time. This is not something my mom ever did.
I believe that properly caring for my home and family is glorifying to God, but if I allow the idea that I must be perfect to rule me, then I am glorifying self and not God. I’ve been praying that God will help me find balance. A home with God at the center glorifies him. If there is a little dust around the edges, but the center is bright with God’s love, perhaps that is all that matters.
So, am I doomed to a messy house and public tantrums? Only time will tell. In the mean time, I think I need to talk some more to my mom, and the moms in our church who have raised a family of God fearing young people, who are now raising their families of their own. I want to be the mom who’s children rise up and call blessed.
Oh Kendra, No! It doesn’t have to be that way. The house you grew up in sounds a lot like the house I grew up in. Except that my dad yelled and my mom didn’t. We ate or we didn’t. Nakedness didn’t happen, and I don’t remember a single tantrum from anyone (but I was the youngest of five, so…). Tantrums weren’t allowed. We were told the values of chores, and did them faithfully or the house didn’t work as a unit.
We all have bad days, but a woman of God knows where her strength comes from. I have no doubt you can do it. After all…you have been practicing full-time outside your home for quite sometime 🙂
Blessings,
Thanks Deborah 🙂 Mom laughs at me because she says I don’t really act like a first time mom (sanitizing everything etc) I suppose that is due having helped raise so many other kids 🙂
I remember eating out with friends before my hubby and I had our children. My friend’s son was a preschooler and acting up, as little ones sometimes do. She hadn’t bought anything to entertain him and he was getting bored. When the waitress walked by my friend said “The waitress is mad at you and she is going to call the police and they are going to come and take you away if you don’t stop crying.”
The waitress was NOT happy by her words and I was appalled by them. I told my friend that she should not make her child afraid of the police, and I also said that when I had kids, that they had better be more concerned about ME getting annoyed than the police, lol! 😉
We never allowed siblings to hit one another in our home. It just wasn’t acceptable. I had another friend whose children hit one another (and other people’s children) because the mom said that that was “normal” behavior. Well, it may be “normal” but it’s not acceptable, imho. So we just made sure that our children understood that hitting one another was not an option and not acceptable.
As a result, my boys grew and even as teens they got along and were best friends then (and now as young adults) and they learned to talk any problems out rather than resorting to name calling or hitting.
I think many people today just don’t realize that they don’t have to settle for a “brat.” That they don’t have to give up and settle for a messy, chaotic home. Some just don’t realize that kids need loving and firm boundaries just so they can know what the limits are.
Your mom obviously knew it, and took pride in her home and family and loved to serve you and your family to the best of her ability. In doing that, she gave you self-confidence, fun, guidance, and a firm knowledge that you were loved, even when you were disciplined!
The link up didn’t work for me so I will come back tomorrow and try again. Thanks for hosting!
I tried it one more time and it worked. Yay! Thanks again for hosting.
The hitting thing…. That’s one I have yet to figure out. My siblings and I fought like cats and dogs, we loved each other dearly and would defend each other, but we also fought, hit, kick, punch…. I have yet to figure out why it happens in some families and not in others. It’s not like my parents allowed it lol
Modern parenting says spanking causes hitting, but I know of familys who spank and the kids don’t hit. As well, I know of families who don’t spank and the kids are as bad as we were or worse…..
I’m with you that I don’t want to allow it, but still seeking the whys of what causes hitting.
Well modern parenting doesn’t know what it’s talking about, lol! I agree, lots of kids who were spanked did not become hitters. Mine never became hitters. We only spanked them a few times as we preferred to use other methods of discipline, but we did spank them on occasion when they were little.
I think that some kids are just more apt to respond to a situation by hitting someone. So it’s those kids that need to be trained, from early on, that they need to learn their words, not their fists.
When I worked full-time, I blamed the messy house on lack of time and 3 rowdy boys. Now that I’ve retired and my sons are grown, my dream of having a clean house still has not appeared. I know it can be done, but… I don’t have a good excuse. Yes, I’m older and have medical issues, and it takes me longer to finish the chores; but is that a good reason for always having a mess? There’s only 3 of us. The biggest mistake I made was not expecting the guys to do any of the housework! Husband included! I had a nice house once, only because I could afford to hire a cleaning service; plus my mother was living with us. She was blind and everything HAD to be in its place so she would not trip.
Frankly, I hate to clean. I’m tired of it. I’m hoping for a Jetson-style home where the cleaning robots come out and do all the work. We have a joke that if there’s a level surface, something will get put on it. Sure enough, the ladder was left leaning against the wall. A few days later, even though the surface was slightly slanted, something ended up on it. The project got completed and the ladder was put away, but we still talk about years later. I polished the furniture the other day, but did not get everything done. I set the can and rag down, but the next day when I went to get them to finish, the polish was gone. I’ve hunted all over. Neither my husband or son had seen it. Maybe there are ghosts in this house that don’t want it to be clean. Thanks for listening. This has given me an idea for a blog, maybe even a short story. May your house always be blessed whether it’s clean or dirty.
I got a robotic vacuum for Christmas lol. Totally with you on wishing for a Jetson’s style home!
All the same, I enjoy cleaning when I don’t feel like there are a hundred other things I should be doing. I love to organize and sort, and toss for that matter. 🙂 All of that is due to my mom’s training, because trust me, I was a messy pack rat of a child.
This was such a thought provoking post for anyone out there with young children. No, a home doesn’t have to be dirty nor the clothes unwashed. The home I grew up in was orderly and I never remember my brother having a tantrum. With our children, it was orderly and although the house got dirty it was cleaned up. I washed the clothes every day except Sunday since for me, with 9 of us, that seemed easiest and least overwhelming.
Thanks for hosting.
Judith, I would love to meet with you over coffee 🙂
I’d love to meet you too, but I’ll drink tea!! Really, I would love to meet you!! Do you live that far from me?
Thanks for the great post & for hosting & God bless!
We can be thankful for your little sister, that she is still around! With that blond hair, she could have gotten toted off by some …… who knows what or who…..
I’m confused. What does that have to do with anything? Or blond hair?