How to become a better wife? That is a common search query that lands people to my site.
I really wish I could answer that question. So many times I wonder that myself. How do I become a better wife? How can I bless my husband more?
My first thought was to go to Proverbs 31. After all, if I am wanting to know how to become a better wife, surely I can find some sort of guide in Proverbs 31. After all, that is kind of the theme of this site here. I chose the name A Proverbs 31 Wife because I wanted to be a better wife, I wanted to be like that woman in Proverbs 31.
So we look at Proverbs 31 to learn how to become a better wife.
- We find the Proverbs 31 woman in verse 10
- She works with her hands. vs 13
- She brings her food from afar, and cultivates the land to feed her household. vs 14-16
- She is strong and able. vs 17
- She makes her family’s clothing with rich cloth. vs 19, 21, 22
- She makes and sells rich linens (to support the family?). vs 24
- She is charitable. vs 20
- She is wise. vs 26
- She looks after her household and is industrious. vs 27
- Her children praise her and her husband blesses her. vs 28
So is that how to become a better wife? If so, than I will be the first to admit that I feel discouraged. I’m not so sure I can do all of that because; A. Sometimes I am tired, and B. Sometimes I’m lazy.
In all reality, I’m not sure that the woman mentioned in Proverbs 31 was real, unless she was superwoman!
Edit 6/29/15. I’ve discovered something amazing about the verses in Proverbs 31, you can read about it here.
But here is a thought, what if I was able to to everything that is mentioned in those verses? If I was an industrious, hardworking wife who grew everything we ate and wore, made all of our food from scratch and sewed our clothing. If I gave to the poor and even had a side business where I made and sold (insert your own idea here) to support the family and I never slept because I was “rising up early” to feed the family and be about my busy industrious day; Would that make me a better wife? Would that make me the woman my husband loves?
I don’t really think so. All those things mentioned, just makes her a good woman. Everything I mentioned so far is just what most people think of, when they think of the Proverbs 31 woman.
Now, let’s look at the Proverbs 31 Wife:
Vs 11-12 Her husband’s heart can safely trust in her, and she does him good and not evil.
Vs 30 Favour is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
When you look at those two verses you began to see, just how to become a better wife.
In becoming a wife that fears the Lord, you will also become the wife that is a safe place for her husband’s heart. These two cannot be separated. Perhaps for a time you could be a safe place for your husband’s heart, but if you are not first seeking to please the Lord, then you will only put your man first for a short amount of time, before you are again serving self.
The beautiful wife seeks the Lord, she desires to please him above all else. And in seeking the Lord’s heart, she will also find her husband’s heart, and will please him greatly. Thus, if your heart is safe in the Lord, then you husband’s heart can also be safe with you.
So the next time you are mentally beating yourself up over a mistake in your marriage and wondering how to become a better wife, when all you seem to do is fail at it. Join me in turning that question around and ask the Lord to draw you closer to him. Ask him to be your safe haven, and then your husband will find in you a safe place for his heart. Remember, becoming a wife isn’t about being a Proverbs 31 woman, but about being a safe place for your husband’s heart.
In reality, we are going to fail at times. There will be words spoken that we later regret, there will be times when we may not even feel like we love “this man!” anymore. But in the end, I am my beloved’s and his desire is towards me. (Song of Solomon 7:10) Forgiveness and grace are what make a marriage work.
For more reading on how to become a better wife, I have linked to some books through my affiliate on Amazon. A couple of these books I already own and a couple of them are on my wish list.
Creative Counterpart. Becoming the Woman, Wife and Mother you have longed to be.
Beautiful in God’s Eyes. The treasures of the Proverbs 31 Woman.
For Better, or for Best? A valuable guide to knowing, understanding and loving your husband.
Capture His Heart. Becoming the Godly Wife your Husband desires.
Back to the Proverbs 31 woman. We should all strive to be as much like her as possible; but also understand that our true goal is to be a woman/wife of virtue, and not super woman with a model house, perfect kids and all those domestic skills decorating our resume.