How to Become a Better Wife

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How to become a better wife? That is a common search query that lands people to my site.

Learning from Proverbs 31 about how to become a better wife.

Image courtesy of [papaija2008] /

I really wish I could answer that question. So many times I wonder that myself.  How do I become a better wife? How can I bless my husband more?

My first thought was to go to Proverbs 31.  After all, if I am wanting to know how to become a better wife, surely I can find some sort of guide in Proverbs 31.  After all, that is kind of the theme of this site here.  I chose the name A Proverbs 31 Wife because I wanted to be a better wife, I wanted to be like that woman in Proverbs 31.


Wondering how to become a Proverbs 31 Wife?

So we look at Proverbs 31 to learn how to become a better wife.

  • We find the Proverbs 31 woman in verse 10
  • She works with her hands. vs 13
  • She brings her food from afar, and cultivates the land to feed her household. vs 14-16
  • She is strong and able. vs 17
  • She makes her family’s clothing with rich cloth. vs 19, 21, 22
  • She makes and sells rich linens (to support the family?). vs 24
  • She is charitable. vs 20
  • She is wise. vs 26
  • She looks after her household and is industrious. vs 27
  • Her children praise her and her husband blesses her. vs 28

So is that how to become a better wife? If so, than I will be the first to admit that I feel discouraged.  I’m not so sure I can do all of that because; A. Sometimes I am tired, and B. Sometimes I’m lazy. :)

In all reality, I’m not sure that the woman mentioned in Proverbs 31 was real, unless she was superwoman!

Edit 6/29/15. I’ve discovered something amazing about the verses in Proverbs 31, you can read about it here.

But here is a thought, what if I was able to to everything that is mentioned in those verses? If I was an industrious, hardworking wife who grew everything we ate and wore, made all of our food from scratch and sewed our clothing.

If I gave to the poor and even had a side business where I made and sold (insert your own idea here) to support the family and I never slept because I was “rising up early” to feed the family and be about my busy industrious day.


Would that make me a better wife? Would that make me the woman my husband loves?

I don’t really think so. All those things mentioned, just makes her a good woman.  Everything I mentioned so far is just what most people think of, when they think of the Proverbs 31 woman.

Now, let’s look at the Proverbs 31 Wife:

Vs 11-12  Her husband’s heart can safely trust in her, and she does him good and not evil.

Vs 30 Favour is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

When you look at those two verses you began to see, just how to become a better wife.

In becoming a wife that fears the Lord, you will also become the wife that is a safe place for her husband’s heart. These two cannot be separated. Perhaps for a time you could be a safe place for your husband’s heart, but if you are not first seeking to please the Lord, then you will only put your man first for a short amount of time, before you are again serving self.

The beautiful wife seeks the Lord, she desires to please him above all else. And in seeking the Lord’s heart, she will also find her husband’s heart, and will please him greatly.  Thus, if your heart is safe in the Lord, then you husband’s heart can also be safe with you.

So the next time you are mentally beating yourself up over a mistake in your marriage and wondering how to become a better wife, when all you seem to do is fail at it.

Join me in turning that question around and ask the Lord to draw you closer to him. Ask him to be your safe haven, and then your husband will find in you a safe place for his heart.  Remember, becoming a wife isn’t about being a Proverbs 31 woman, but about being a safe place for your husband’s heart.

In reality, we are going to fail at times. There will be words spoken that we later regret, there will be times when we may not even feel like we love “this man!” anymore.  But in the end, I am my beloved’s and his desire is towards me. (Song of Solomon 7:10)  Forgiveness and grace are what make a marriage work.

For more reading on how to become a better wife, I have linked to some books through my affiliate on Amazon.  A couple of these books I already own and a couple of them are on my wish list.

Creative Counterpart. Becoming the Woman, Wife and Mother you have longed to be.

Beautiful in God’s Eyes. The treasures of the Proverbs 31 Woman.

For Better, or for Best? A valuable guide to knowing, understanding and loving your husband.

Capture His Heart. Becoming the Godly Wife your Husband desires.

Back to the Proverbs 31 woman. We should all strive to be as much like her as possible; but also understand that our true goal is to be a woman/wife of virtue, and not super woman with a model house, perfect kids and all those domestic skills decorating our resume.

Respectful opinions are always welcome

  1. Beautiful post! It was as I humbled myself before God & cried for Him to change me (not my husband) that I grew to become the wife that my husband needed. Thank you for sharing. I was your neighbor at Desire To Inspire.
    Blessings on your Thurs!

  2. Thank you for sharing at the Thursday Favorite Things Blog Hop xo

  3. You make an excellent point about comparing ourselves to the P31 woman. She may be an “ideal” but we are certainly not commanded to copy her in every aspect of life. I think it’s more that we are to see the character qualities that shine through her actions, and follow after those. She gives to the poor because she is generous, so how can we be generous in our way? She stays up late & rises early because she’s disciplined and doesn’t expect a free ride, so how we can be more disciplined and have a stronger work ethic?

    Anyway, great post – glad to find you at the Thrive@Home linkup!

  4. This is great! Thank you! I really needed this today. :)

  5. Join me in turning that question around and ask the Lord to draw you closer to him. Ask him to be your safe haven, and then your husband will find in you a safe place for his heart.

    I’m in Kendra…thanks for this post which really simplifies the whole equation…Seek and Please God first and everything else falls in line. Thanks much!

  6. Don’t forget that in Biblical times, women MADE their own cloth. In many cases they couldn’t afford to make linen or any other cloth for that matter. I don’t think that a lot of women could bring ANYTHING from afar, let alone cultivate the land. And if she could make and sell rich linen, then she probably could have afforded servants. She could probably cultivate a small bit of land and do some weaving, but I really can’t imagine her doing ALL of those things; not that and be able to stand up straight and breathe afterwards, lol. Maybe that scripture meant that a wise woman should be able to do all that is necessary to feed and clothe her family, plus be a good woman and charitable as well. All I know is, I could never do all that that scripture tells, but if I can do what I can for my family and be a good woman who cares about people and is kind, I think that’s plenty. Is it wrong to think that way? I mean no disrespect towards God or His word.

    • Hi Peggy, I’m sure you noticed as you read through to the end of the post, that my point was exactly that. No one woman could accomplish all that. We need to be a woman of virtue who fears the Lord and who is a safe haven for her husband’s heart. All the other stuff…. it’s good, but that wasn’t the point. Thanks for stopping by :)

  7. I think that Proverbs 31 was written by Solomon’s Mom as a guideline for what she wanted in a wife for her son. Great post!

  8. This was very wise council for us all and very beautiful! I might be an older women who is to help younger women, but I have to say I sure learn a lot from all you wonderful younger ones who’s Hearts seek after the LORD! Thank you and God bless each one!

    • Thank you Gail. I know that many times I end up writing down what God is wanting ME to learn. :) But He is able to use any bit of work for his glory!

  9. Thanks for sharing this today. I’ve come into a position where I will be the main wage earner in our household and I’ve been questioning if that’s ok. But the Proverbs 31 woman sold her goods and was industrious for her household and I think that’s the same thing. The Bible talks about the 2 different woman (the Timothy Woman and the Proverbs Woman) for a reason!

    • Yeah, I work a lot, and am much more motivated than hubby, so I have sometimes wondered that myself.
      What I have finally realized is; he is the head of the household, he still is in charge, and I am his helpmeet and if that means helping with the income, then I am only doing what I was created to do. :)

  10. I’ve looke at proverbs 31 quite a bit to find out how to be a better wife. The hardest thing though is that my husband is not a Christian. Neither of us were saved when we were married but I came back to the Lord when I got pregnant with my son. With your post I see clearer now how to become a better wife. I just need to be a safe place for my husband. Show him the Lords love. He had a very rough family life as a child and i want to show him a great family. I don’t need to be perfect, just love him with the Lord’s love.

    • Having a husband who doesn’t care for the Lord as you do is a trial for sure. I will be praying that your love will show the Lord to your husband. ~blessings

  11. Hi Kendra
    Great post. Thanks for sharing your beautiful scripture wisdom at our Thursday Favorite Things Blog Hop.
    Angel @

  12. Great post! I love the direction that you went with the proverbs 31 woman vs. wife. I would add a few books to your list. Two that have really helped me were “for women only: what you need to know about the inner lives of men” and “Love Dare” from the Fireproof movie. The first really helped me to understand my husband and even myself so I could better meet his needs and the other challenged me to be an intentional wife nurturing our relationship while growing closer to the Lord. Keep up great posts like this that encourage us to be better wives! Blessings to you! Love, Rachael @ Inking the Heart

  13. A post full of wisdom!

  14. Thanks, Kendra. This is well-written, and really what I needed to read!

    To fear the Lord… to seek first the kingdom of God… to be a safe haven for my husband’s heart… it’s amazing how much I need to be reminded of this. Life and the human heart can be so complicated but the truths are simple.


  1. […] first try and stop whomever is talking bad about your man. Back to proverbs 31:11-12 She will do him good and not evil… Secondly, take your hurt to your heavenly father, not your husband. You are to […]

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