I cannot do it all, folks. Nope. I would like to think that I can; I even tell myself that I can at least half a dozen times a day. “Get your chin up, you can do this Kendra!” But the truth is, I cannot do it all.
Here’s the thing, when you try to do it all, you basically fail at it all. Okay, so maybe you don’t fail, but you certainly cannot do as well as you possibly could otherwise. I definitely lean towards the type A personality; not only do I take on more than I should at times, I also feel it is a personal failure when something goes wrong.
I cannot do it all, all the time, but I try…
I try to be a good wife.
I try to be a good mother.
I try to be a good nanny.
I try to keep a clean house.
I try to blog.
I try to cloth diaper.
I try to keep us all in clean clothes.
I try to budget wisely and not buy stuff that I can make.
I try to cook at least 75% of our meals from scratch with non-gmo and organic foods.
I try to make good wholesome lunch supplies for Jason’s lunches.
I try, I try, I try.
Now here’s the deal. Most of the time I actually CAN do it all, or nearly all. But then there comes times like now. The past 3 weekends we have not been home. There’s holiday stuff, church stuff, family stuff…. all wonderful and I enjoy it.
But, if I’m not home on Saturday; my one full day to do laundry, clean house, and bake, what happens? I fall behind. Behind as in piles of laundry, baskets of dirty diapers that need washed, and clean diapers that need stuffed. Behind as in hubby has no lunch items. Behind as in dirty floors and filthy bathrooms. Behind as in piles and piles of dishes.
And finally in desperation I hang my head and whisper, “I cannot do it all, I really cannot do it all”. Then it happens, the floods of emotion, the feelings of failure and wanting to give up, the desire to go to sleep and never wake up.
I could spiral into depression at this point, and I have in the past. But I hear a whisper, I hear my heavenly father tell me that I’m not a failure, that he made me perfect and that in my weakness, I can call on his strength. I learn once again that I can give myself grace, that I don’t have to be perfect and that sometimes, just sometimes, I can let things go.
So today I stand (actually I’m sitting at the moment) here and confidently say, I cannot do it all right now, and that’s okay.
If you stop by my house in the next couple weeks you are going to find dirty disposables going out into the trash. You will find bread, tortillas, snacks and other foods that I didn’t make and they may not even fall into the very healthy category. You may find cobwebs in the corners and cat hair on the couches. Who knows, you may even find a pile of dirty dishes.
If you stop by the blog, you’re going to find fewer posts. There are some that I’ve promised to do and some that are already written, but it may be a bit quiet around here for awhile.
And what will you find if you see me? You will find a girl who has said “right now I cannot do it all, so I’m going to choose what’s really important and focus on that.”
This song from 7th Time Down played on the radio awhile back and I still cry everytime I hear it. I will cry out to God, he’s the one I’m running to.