We were married 5 years before getting pregnant. This was by choice. Looking back I can see how pride kept me from having babies before we did.
When we got married, I took my small savings and paid off Jason’s truck. You could say we started at square one in financial terms.
Without government help there was no possible way to live on Jason’s income. He had a good job and he worked hard, his income paid our bills with nothing left over for gas or groceries. I loved my job so I kept working.
Over time we left square one. He worked hard, I worked hard and we bought a house and started building up a savings. His income increased some, but after buying a house so had our expenses. We still couldn’t live on his income.
I would see other families with an income like Jason’s where the wife didn’t work and they had kids. I knew they had food stamps and other forms of government help. While it didn’t bother me, neither did I want to be there. Perhaps I felt superior to them. We didn’t need help.
We were going to do this thing right. We were young and strong and could both work. We didn’t need help from anyone. We had our goals of paying the first house off, and having the money to buy our forever home in the country with lots of land for kids and animals.
I’m not saying there is anything wrong with being strong, determined and independent. But our, or at least my attitude wasn’t right. We didn’t need help from anyone and guess who was also cut out?
Pride kept me from having babies sooner, and it also removed God from the picture. I’ve often wondered during the past few months, “what kind of miracles did I miss seeing God work in our lives because of my pride and determination to do it myself?”
Looking back, I see a lot of pride. But, I also see a lot of God. Even though I wasn’t totally trusting him, he blessed us in many ways.
After drilling my aunt on everything blogging related for hours one year at Christmas I was inspired to start my own blog. Over the past 3 years I’ve seen God’s hand at work here. He has blessed me, and blessed others in ways that I wouldn’t have ever imagined.
Shortly after I started blogging, I ended my time working at a daycare, and began watching the cutest little 2-year-old part-time. When the 2-year-old turned 3, a little brother joined their family and I began watching them both full-time.
Before the little girl’s brother was even born, the Lord really began convicting me that my attitude was wrong. Jason had been wanting to start a family and I was still being stubborn.
So after getting pregnant, I talked to the family I nannied for and they were fine with me bringing my baby and still watching their kids. Such a wonderful blessing it has been! I love those kids and Kolton loves coming and playing with them.
Pride kept me from having babies sooner, and my attitude was all wrong.
I’m thankful for the time we had without babies, the time Jason and I had to work out our differences (there were a LOT!). I’m thankful for the people with developmental disabilities that I served for years. And the different children I’ve watched and cared for, I’m thankful for all of it.
I’m not thankful for the way I cut God out.
I’ve been a working wife, a working mom, and soon I will be a stay at home mom. The now 5-year-old needs a ride to school and my vehicle only holds 3 car seats. The family began looking for a new nanny to start in Jan. and found the perfect one. Except she wants to start this month.
It makes me sad to be leaving that family soon and we will really miss the kids. Yet, I’m excited for this new chapter. Being a stay at home mom was always my dream and now that dream is happening.
What changed? We started having babies and now I’m quitting my job, did our financial situation really change that much? Nope. Jason did change jobs and things are better there, but quite frankly, this time we are trusting God.
Jason works hard, and I have this blog. Our house payment is our only debt and we have a savings. I’m letting my pride go here. God is going to be God now. I’m done taking control.
I’m not sure I would change anything about the last 7 years of marriage other than to have done a better job of trusting God and not being so determined to handle it myself.
Pride may have kept me from having babies sooner, but it’s not going to keep me from being a stay at home mom. My presence and attention to my children is more important than fancy clothes and the latest toys. Kids tend to enjoy non-toy things more anyway!