What do you do when he won’t lead?When we were first married, I’m guessing I was just like any other bride. I knew that we weren’t perfect, we had already experienced clashes before the wedding, and all that stuff. But I guess I thought I knew what to do.
I had in my head that I would be the submissive wife and I would let Jason lead in everything. So I tried. In my head I though that as the head of the house he should be in charge of everything. The leader spiritually, in charge of our finances, and basically in charge of everything that went on around here.
He was in charge right? The mail came, and the bills and bank statements all got handed to him.
What do I do with these?
Why should I be the one to do it, can’t you?
Yes, but you are supposed to be the leader.
What does being the leader have to do with doing the bookwork?
No. I am not good at this stuff, you are, you should be the one to do it.
But you are the leader.
So our argument went. He was supposed to be the leader. He was supposed to be in charge. How was I supposed to let him lead, if he wouldn’t even do it?
So, what do you do when he won’t lead?
Turns out, he was leading. It took me awhile to figure that out though. He was leading. He knew the best option for us financially was to put me in charge of the bookwork. (I married with a savings, he married with debt, you do the math.) But I was so blindly assuming that the only way for him to lead, was to do it himself; that I in all my attempts to
make let him lead, that I was really usurping his authority.
If he was leading in the way I thought he should, or the way I told him to, would he really be leading? Or would it be me doing the leading?
In the end, I learned that we make a great team in the financial department. He is still the leader. Sure I do the book-work and pay the bills and balance the checkbook, but he is the one in charge. In fact, it was his idea to buy rather than rent. His idea to refinance. Many of our bigger financial decisions were his ideas.
I learned that being the leader, doesn’t always mean doing all the work, sometimes it means choosing the person best suited for job to take charge. And that’s exactly what Jason did.
So what do you do when he won’t lead? Take a real good look at the situation, chances are, he is trying to lead, but you may be hindering it, because he isn’t leading the way you think he should. Now, I know there are some cases when he won’t lead, and it’s because he has no interest in that area. In that case, the only advice I can offer is to pray.
On to Matrimonial Monday. Share any post you may have that has to do with being a Godly wife. Don’t forget to visit at least one link for every link you add!