Can a Couple Fall Out of Love?
We hear the term “fall in love” used a lot, but do people fall out of love? Or does “falling” have anything to do with love?
I’ve wonder about that for awhile now and I still really don’t have an answer. But I do know this, Love is a choice. I don’t think “warm and fuzzy” was how God felt when he sent his son for our redemption, and I’m positive that’s not how Christ felt when he gave his life for us.
What about marriage? Do you always have those warm and fuzzy feelings for your spouse? I know I don’t, in fact I often feel like this when it comes to hubby and I.
When he comes home and tosses his lunch box on the counter (where it shouldn’t stay), I feel like that. When his shoes come off and stay right where he took them off, I feel like that. When the honey-do list runs off the paper, I feel like that. I could say at times, I do fall out of love.
Those feelings are a normal reaction to an unpleasant experience. However, what if I changed how I reacted? What if I chose to love?
What if I cheerfully emptied the lunch box and put it away? What if I picked up his shoes, being thankful that the reason he was tired is because he has a job and worked hard all day? It really wouldn’t change any thing, but I would be happier.
When things get hard, and all those annoying little habits build up, you can become bitter and angry (the falling out of love) or you can choose to love and rejoice that he is only human. I mean, if Jason was perfect, he would’ve never married me!
I think as a new wife I had this idea of what love was.
It was him bringing me flowers. Kissing me and telling me I am beautiful. It was his smile when he looked at me. It was me, making him dinner each night. It was the house I made into a home for him. It was the time we spent together laughing and just having fun.
Guess what? I was right, but that is when love is easy. Now I think, (again) I know what love really is.
It’s Hubby’s unfailing love when I have been an ugly whining b*** (we all have those days) It’s how he makes me oatmeal when I am sick. It’s how he drags his weary rear home from work each day and hugs me before flopping on the couch.
Those actions above don’t sound “warm and fuzzy”. That sounds like a choice, or a commitment.
Perhaps though, we do fall out of love at times. Perhaps we are just going through a ho-hum day to day routine and we forget to make time for each other. We forget to nurture that spark God placed between us. So then, there is this bit of advice that I love.
In light of marriage, Kelly from Exceptionalistic and I are beginning a weekly link-up called Matrimonial Mondays. I would encourage you to write your own marriage related post and come back Monday to share it.
We also invited several other bloggers to help put together a Nurture My Marriage giveaway! All prizes are marriage/date night related and sure to be fun!!!
It’s live! Go enter to win a nurture my marriage prize pack and link up your marriage post!
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The Love Story link up.
A special thanks and shout out to every one who linked up their love story last month on Hubby and I’s anniversary. I was going to feature a few on my blog, but they are all so unique that I thought I would just invite you to go read them all. There are only 9 of them so it shouldn’t be to hard. 🙂
Kendra, girl I love this post!! It is something that ALL young unmarried ladies (and gents) need to read! Marriage is about commitment, forgiveness, patience and dying to self continuously. Love is a choice! God grows you and changes you and builds you up! And w/out God at your center I can’t imagine trying to do it!!! Love you girl!!! I miss you!
Amen. Marriage is more about COMMITMENT than that ‘in love’ feeling. I read somewhere once that the ‘in love euphoria’ lasts about 18 months. Then reality sets in. If a person is looking for that feeling then it is no wonder they are constantly finding a new person! But long term committment is so much more rewarding and fullfilling! I wouldn’t trade places with a newlywed for anything. I also read somewhere recently that it takes 10 years to really get to know the person and be completely comfortable with them – I would have to agree. The longer we are married the better it is – as long as we both put effort into the COMMITTMENT!!!
I really like your link up – if I get time to write a marriage post this weekend I’ll be back over to link it up!
I do read your posts more than I comment too – I just don’t have time for it all! I am very excited for you at the growth of your blog and the community you have gained! God bless you!
Thanks 🙂 Your opinion actually means a lot since you are the one who inspired me to start blogging in the first place 🙂
And yes, I am the same way, there are blogs I read that I don’t think I have ever commented on.
Beautiful post! I have been married going on 12 years and can totally relate to this post. It’s not always about those warm fuzzy feelings but doing what God tells us to do in those frustrating times. Respect your husband. You don’t have to “love” him always but you do need to respect him even when you are annoyed. I’m looking forward to your upcoming Mondays!
Well, Kendra, you have done it again. No matter what you write about you seem to capture my attention {which, I have to say it not easily caught these days}. I love these posts about marriage.
After 12 years of marriage I know where you are coming form with the “falling” in’s and out’s. It’s a constant. Out of respect for my husband I do many things; clean, cook and love. Sometimes those things don’t come easy but it’s what marriage is all about.
Thanks for putting that into prospective once again!
Kim M.
Thanks Kim 🙂
Exactly! Great post, Kendra. It’s nice to know there are others like me who have those hateful days. 🙂 Love *is* a choice. Every. Single. Day. I will *choose* to love the one God gifted me with and I will choose to pray for him. When that lunchbox hits the floor, his shoes go swinging through the air…
…have you been peeking at our house?!
Thanks for the reminder
Your house too huh? 😉
I’ve heard it said, “The family that prays together stays together.”
And may I add, “The family that reads together (from the Bible every day), stays together.
Your little finger people are CUTE!
I actually have pondered this alot too and funny thing but JUST told Matt a few days ago that I have discovered that while love starts out as a feeling, mature love is more of a choice. I think this is why so many marriages don’t last. People are always thinking the grass is greener on the other side, us women get caught up in romance novels, romantic movies, and the idea that we will have this guy who lavishes us with compliments and romantic gestures all the time. I can really relate to what you wrote and could have a long discussion about it haha. Especially when you hear about other couples who say how passionately in love they are and how perfect their relationship is-it can make people fall in to the trap of wondering what’s wrong with them if they don’t feel lovey dovey 100% of the time.
In reality I think yes, you do fall in love with someone and I do think you can fall out of it without enough effort. I have realized the bottom line is that I never quit loving the person , but the feeling of being IN love 24/7 maybe is not so realistic. I have felt it can be like a roller coaster at times-one day you are both in good moods and it seems so wonderful and the next day you are shooting grumpy looks at each other saying “what’s your prob-Bob?” Matt and I have learned a lot of things that really keep our relationship fresh though..but we started consciously working at it.
Forgot to say I really enjoyed your post! Especially the finger puppets haha
I LOVE THIS! It’s so true, I know I have felt like it and after many talks with my grandma after 57 years she has felt it with my grandpa also. I think its normal and all part of being married. It’s what you do with those feelings that make the difference. Like you said, just changing your thinking about that annoying little thing can make all the difference. Great post. 🙂
I fall in and out of love regularly….but i’m never 100% without love. It’s the bit when you fall deeper in love that i live for. You know when you think you couldn’t love someone more? And then you do? I try so hard to ignore the flaws and mistakes…but am not always successful. I’m working on it!
You are so right. Love is a choice. It’s not just something that happens… Your marriage link up is also a great idea!!!
I love this post – especially the quote 🙂 Thans so much for linking up!
Sarah
http://acatlikecuriosity.blogspot.co.uk/
This is such an amazing post. I am new to your blog, and love it!
Thanks Ashley 🙂
This is just what I needed to hear. Thank you!
I needed to hear it too, I suppose that is why I wrote it 🙂
I enjoyed this post very much. Love is a choice and we have to choose to humble ourselves and do away with complaining and arguing over ever little thing that annoys us and choose to fall in love with our spouse daily.
So glad you enjoyed it :). We do indeed have to choose to fall in love daily.
This post reminds me of a song by Imelda May.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4VfVAcOdpE
It is such a sweet song.
Jessica
It is, thanks for sharing 🙂
Enjoyed your post.
I hope that’s a facetious question. Yes, folks fall out of love everyday.
I think the more compelling question is do folks ever not fall out of love.
We know long term relationships are bound to go through ups and downs. Often, however, the downs become so regular, with animosity so deeply entrenched that the once loving duo have trouble getting back to the “ups”.
I’d tell anybody, be very careful of what you say during an argument. Some things you simply can’t take back.
Too many of these hurtful remarks over too long a period of time and a wall of resentment can build up that’s near impossible to scale.
I’m not sure how to respond to this comment with out coming across the wrong way. It is very apparent that we have different convictions regarding the sanctity of marriage.
Watching what one says during an argument is very true. Many times I have said things that I later regret and must ask forgiveness for. In many cases it is best to walk away until the initial anger is gone.
It sounds as though you have been on the receiving end of hurtful comments and I am truly sorry for that. However, the wall of resentment you are referring to, hurts only the one that allowed it to build up.