There were 4 different couples; 1 couple snuggling, 3 couples arguing.
3 years later. There are 3 couples arguing still, but the couple that was snuggling is a thing of the past.
Photo Credit: Flicker Creative Commons -Vic
Yes, Jason and I are an arguing couple. I’m not afraid to speak my mind and he loves controversy (although he calls it discussing stuff). lol. So my question today is this: Can arguments be good for a relationship?
Back to the arguing couples for a minute. My brothers, their girlfriends, as well as another couple, all went camping with Jason and I about 3 years ago. We had a great weekend, and our last morning was upon us. We were are all trying to put our tents away and pack up our stuff. The 3 couples arguing were my brothers and I, with our “other halves”. The friend was sitting back and laughing at us, while bragging about how he and his girlfriend never fought.
This summer, at a cookout we were talking about camping and our friend brought that morning to mind, still laughing at us. I just looked at him and said “yeah, we were all fighting that morning, but we’re all still together, and you’ve had how many girlfriends since then?”
Point is, an argument is far better than walking around in stormy silence; or feeling hurt and unloved for years and then walking away from your marriage while your spouse has no idea what went wrong.
Arguing IS a form of communication. Not a desirable form to be sure, but at least there is no question on where you or your spouse stand on a subject.
However, it never hurts to walk away and “cool down” before resuming your “discussion”. If you have said hurtful words, plead forgiveness and always seek to be reconciled with your spouse.
Please understand. I am not advocating arguments. I am advocating communication. Discussions are necessary for relationships to grow, being able to talk things over, brings you to a new understanding of things. And if your “discussion” becomes overly heated, there can be a wonderful bonding experience in the aftermath of the destruction discussion. 😉
Here’s too discussions!!!
Judith at WholeHearted Home says
September 22, 2013 at 8:30 pmThank you, Kendra for sharing your heart in your post. Thanks so much for the linkup today.
momstheword says
September 22, 2013 at 8:43 pmThat’s a very good point that you made to your friend! It does beat not talking to one another, lol!
My hubby and I have been married for 30 years now and we rarely argue anymore. When you’ve been married this long there’s not much left to argue over, hahaha!
We argued during our first year of marriage and again after our babies were born (Whose turn is it to pack the diaper bag? Who changed the last messy diaper?, etc.). I just think it’s probably our personality and also how we’ve learned, over the years, to communicate and not take offense easily and also to compromise when necessary. Neither one of us really like the conflict of arguing.
But sometimes when one of us is tired or cranky then we are easy prey for conflict and an argument unless we apologize quickly and tell her other person that we’re sorry and that we’re just tired, lol! Thanks for hosting!
Kendra says
September 22, 2013 at 9:28 pmYes, being tired makes a huge difference for us as well. 🙂
I think it’s neat that some couple don’t really argue after being together for so long. My grandparents still squabble at times, as well as Jason’s grandparents. Jason and I call them love-spats. 🙂
Laurie Collett says
September 22, 2013 at 9:43 pmCommunication is key! May we live together in unity, submitting one to another. Thanks for the great post & for hosting & God bless!
Chris says
September 22, 2013 at 10:02 pmKendra
Thank you so much for hsosing this awesome hop! I just adore the links that are posted each week…..
I really enjoyed and benefitted from your post today.
AJ Collins says
September 23, 2013 at 2:34 pmYES! Arguing means you are fighting FOR the relationship. If it’s not worth fighting for, you won’t last. Great post!!
Kendra says
September 23, 2013 at 7:22 pmLove is not a fight, but something worth fighting for! ~Warren Barfield
Ugochi says
September 23, 2013 at 3:10 pmCommunication cannot be over emphasized, especially when motivated by love. Thanks for sharing and hosting too. Have a super blessed day!
Love
Lisa says
September 23, 2013 at 5:57 pmThat’s interesting that the couple that never fought ended up splitting up. I’m sure there are a whole lot more dynamics than that, but there is definitely a case for expressing our feelings safely to each other. Whether that takes the form of arguing or discussion, it doesn’t really matter.
By the way, I think camping is definitely one of those things designed to test the bonds! Just watch anyone trying to back up a camper while his wife directs him! 😉
Thanks for the post!
Kendra says
September 23, 2013 at 7:21 pmHaha! Yes, well we love to camp and it can cause a bit of stress at times.
Tauna says
September 24, 2013 at 6:31 pmWe call it “intense fellowship.” LOL! Conflict in marriage, done in love and with great respect and careful communication, is an asset for us. Even if it is exhausting. 🙂 Good thing it doesn’t happen too often!
Jaime @ Slightly Steady says
September 25, 2013 at 1:22 pmMy hubby and I spent most of our engagement and the first five months of our marriage arguing. I grew up in a home full of bad communicators and had a lot to learn, and he was just so used to being surrounded by people who were excellent communicators that he wasn’t used to dealing with a poor one, lol! I know a lot of family was concerned for us at the time, but the arguing taught us a lot – we’ve been enjoying four years of wedded bliss ever since we finally figured each other out! And yes, along the way, I’ve seen too, too many “happy” couples just fall apart. I don’t recommend arguing to anyone either, but if it’s that or silence, I’ll take arguing!
Kendra says
September 25, 2013 at 1:53 pmYeah, I don’t recommend it either, but I prefer it to stoney silence 🙂