Men, understanding them can be a walk in the dark. Even though I have been purposely studying my man for over 3 years now, I still don’t always get him. I know many veteran wives will also attest to that.
This post on how to understand a man is simply sharing what I have learned by studying my own dear hubby.
How to Understand a Man:
Men think completely differently than women. In fact they word their phrases differently as I shared in “When Hurtful Words are Spoken“. So how do you understand someone who speaks a completely different language than you do?
By studying them. When you were dating, you most likely spent a lot of time thinking about them and trying to learn about them. I know I did. But somehow after we got married I quit studying him. I just thought we were married and I knew everything there was about this man.
This false assumption also lead me to think that he also knew all about me. As a result, we had a very tumultuous first 2-3 years. I was hurt and angry, he was totally lost and confused.
My entire focus became making him understand me. We would lay in bed and I would tearfully tell him everything I needed, he would say he would try better, but nothing ever changed. How could he understand me when I wasn’t talking his language?
I think I finally just gave up. I was stuck in a horrible marriage (in my mind) and I may as well accept it. Somehow I got to thinking about Jason and started feeling a bit sorry for him too. After all, he wasn’t a bad guy, he just didn’t understand me.
So I started trying to understand him. Trying to understand why he didn’t get me. I began to purposefully study who he was, and what made him tick.
When you study someone you have to spend time with them. So I started trying to take an interest in what he was doing. And when he was talking, I tried to really pay attention and hear what he was saying, even when it was the most boring thing in the world.
I started taking part in his “big dreams” supporting them, but maybe not always agreeing with them. In those cases I kept my mouth shut tight!
I began to simply accept him as he was, laughed at his jokes (even the not funny ones), and to make him a huge part of my life. It turned out that he became my best friend, (we were friends before we ever started dating) and I began to enjoy him being around. An added bonus was that he started to try and understand me!
How to Understand a Man: What I did.
- I began to study him
- Spent more time with him
- Learned his dreams
- Started trying to see things his way
- I learned to walk away from pointless arguments
- Accepted him for who he was
- Accepted the fact that he may never be who I wanted him to be
- Determined to make the best of the situation and be happy
- Positively affirmed who he was
- Negative thoughts about him were banned
- Refusing to take part in the “hubby bashing” convos that women have
Do I totally understand him? No. But I accept him. Like I said before, he is a good guy and he didn’t deserve a mopy, whiny wife. He deserved a wife who would stand up for their marriage, for him, and for herself.
Yes, by fighting for our marriage and trying to understand my husband, I was standing up for myself. By purposing to put him first and focusing on him, I became happy again. Makes me think of the children’s song:
J O Y, J O Y, This is what it means,
Jesus first, yourself last,
and others in between!
If you want to understand your man, then I suggest you began to study him. Take notes if you must, but study him.
Nannette and The Sweetheart says
May 25, 2014 at 9:01 pmSweet, sweet, sweet! You can learn alot by paying attention to them. We will celebrate 35 years in July and I still don’t totally understand The Sweetheart 🙂 but I love him because he loves me! We just keep doing that, year after year, and it all seems to work out.
momstheword says
May 25, 2014 at 11:02 pmWow, this post goes so well with MY marriage post. Great minds think alike! 😉 We’ve been married over 30 years and that first year was difficult as we had to learn to communicate with one another, lol!.
That first year when we had an argument, my husband wanted to talk about it all right away whereas I wanted some time to THINK about things first so that I could figure out what I was feeling, why I was upset, and think through it so I didn’t say things I shouldn’t say. So we had to learn to compromise.
I don’t like to have “important” conversations first thing in the morning. My husband doesn’t like to have them right before bed. He is an early riser, I am not. Misunderstandings can arise when you don’t understand how the other is wired! Thanks for hosting today.
Laurie Collett says
May 26, 2014 at 7:04 pmExcellent advice, Kendra! Thanks for the great post & for hosting & God bless!
Godly Indian Mom says
May 27, 2014 at 12:00 pmHey Kendra beautiful post.Totally agree,we need to keep our marriage alive,if we forget to learn them everyday ,we isolate ourselves from love
http://www.godlyindianmom.com/
https://www.facebook.com/godlyindianmom
Yashira says
May 27, 2014 at 2:21 pmGreat post! I have been married for nearly 2 years and it hasn’t been easy but I know I have a Godly man and I’m trying to understand him.