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How’s your Tone? MM link-up #34

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May 5, 2013 by Kendra 18 Comments

When you are talking to your man, how’s your tone? Are you nicely asking, nagging, demanding, whining?

How's your tone of voice when speaking to your man?How’s your tone? Or in this case mine.

Saturdays we sometimes sleep in, hubby more so than I. I wanted to go to the store and knew we didn’t need a lot, so we could walk. I went into the bedroom and told Jason to get up, because I wanted to go to the store. He asked what that had to do with him and I told him I was walking and he needed to come along to help me carry the bags.

Less than 2 minutes later, I hear him bagging things around and muttering under his breath while getting ready. I go back and ask him what’s wrong. True to the man style of communicating, he won’t respond. But I know he’s mad, so I press a bit. “WHY ARE YOU MAD?!”

Then it comes out. Instead of asking him to come to the store with me, I had demanded. My tone was not kind, or respectful towards him. To me, it just seemed like he should be getting up and out of bed any-way. To him, I was being rude and disrespectful. End result: angry husband and confused wife. Discord and not harmony.

We worked it out. He forgave me and we went to the store. But it’s something to think about, next time your man seems mad about something, ask yourself how’s your tone?  I know I have a long way to go in that area, but I’m not giving up yet.

On to Matrimonial Monday. Link up what you’ve been learning the last week about being a Godly wife. Feel free to share anything that has to do with being a Proverbs 31 wife.

 



 

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Filed Under: Faith & Family Tagged With: marriage, Matrimonial Monday

Respectful opinions are always welcome

  1. Rebekah says

    May 5, 2013 at 11:48 pm

    I have done that with Matt before (more of a telling instead of asking without even realizing what I was doing). He HATES that. So at least now I know ;). I try to ask and not order when I need help with something. I suppose no one likes it-that goes for us women too. I know I like to be asked and not ordered. Matt is usually really good at asking and not expecting me to do things. I have to say, I want to help him all the more because of the freedom he gives me that way. If he were to sound demanding or controlling I would not be joyful about helping at all. This post is a good reminder for sure!

    Reply
  2. momstheword says

    May 6, 2013 at 2:45 am

    I can relate as I have done this myself! When the kids were little I needed to remind myself that my husband wasn’t one of my children and I couldn’t just “boss” him around, lol!

    I still need to watch my tone from time to time! Thanks for the reminder and for linking up to the “Making Your Home Sing Monday” linky party today! 😉

    Also, thanks for hosting and I went ahead and linked up my posts!

    Reply
    • Kendra says

      May 6, 2013 at 9:59 am

      *snicker* When I worked at the day care I would come home and treat Jason just like the kids. I don’t blame him for getting annoyed with me. 🙂

      Reply
  3. Ugochi says

    May 6, 2013 at 6:12 am

    Guilty too! I have had to apologize severally for my tone but I am working hard at it and making progress. Thanks for the party!
    Have a super blessed week!
    Love

    Reply
    • Kendra says

      May 6, 2013 at 9:58 am

      It’s just something many of us struggle with isn’t it? Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply
  4. Beth says

    May 6, 2013 at 10:32 am

    I totally agree, Kendra. I think, as a rule, we pay greater attention to the tone than the message. And the hard part for me is, knowing when I’m coming across that way. When I’m the “giver of a negative tone” I don’t always see how it sounds or looks on the receiving end. So it takes some bravery to talk through this issue when I’ve offended my spouse. I’m so glad that you and your husband did talk through it. And I’m so glad you shared your story. It’s a great reminder and challenge, my friend.

    Reply
  5. Judith at WholeHearted Home says

    May 6, 2013 at 11:18 am

    Ouch!! Thanks so much!! And thaks also for hosting the linkup.

    Reply
  6. Mai says

    May 6, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    Some say that action speaks louder than words..but being a sensitive wife, I always pay attention on the tone. My husband is the most nicest person ever but when he’s mad and raises his voice, I feel like I want to disappear. So, we decided to talk things out, and it has great results! Thanks for sharing your story! 🙂

    Reply
  7. The Smelly Lady says

    May 6, 2013 at 3:06 pm

    Raising Hand—–I’m VERY guilty of this.

    Reply
  8. LuAnn Braley says

    May 6, 2013 at 7:31 pm

    I so need to work on this one. When my husband asks me for something, occasionally (and much more often than I would like) my words say ‘sure’, but my tone says, ‘What…you can’t get up out of the chair and get it for yourself?” *sigh*

    Reply
  9. Laurie Collett says

    May 6, 2013 at 9:21 pm

    Thanks for the reminder! Our pastor referred to the “Crazy Cycle” — if the wife doesn’t treat (and speak to) her husband with respect, he responds without love. Thanks for hosting & God bless!

    Reply
  10. Sue@housepretty says

    May 7, 2013 at 7:32 am

    Yes, this is something I am becoming more and more conscious of . My husband is a procrastinator by nature, and I am trying to find a balance. Honestly, I think a bit of this is simply because of everything that happened in the Garden of Eden. Women and men BOTH need to watch their tones, because my husband is as guilty of this as I am. Also,for either gender, be very careful what you commit to doing. If you say you are going to do something, DO IT. Don’t put your spouse in the position of having to “nag” you to meet your obligations. I am vey careful now what I even commit to. So, I guess, the bottom line is we need to show grace with one another…

    Reply
  11. Fawn @ Happy Wives Club says

    May 7, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    Such a great bit of advice because we can say the exact same thing with two different tones and have two very different results.

    Reply
  12. Martha A. Galvan says

    May 9, 2013 at 10:34 pm

    When David and I started dating, I was doing that….just saying…”lets go to the beach” “just try my chicken, u will like it”. Then he spoke with me, kindly saying he was not a child, and felt I was ordering him to do or try things.
    So now I have learned to ask if he would like to go to the beach, or would he like to try this new food.
    And he does the same for me.
    More talking and less feelings hurt.

    Reply
  13. Tiffanie of Truly Skrumptious says

    May 10, 2013 at 2:17 am

    We were driving the long trip home after spending the weekend with family, when I saw the title of this post. Why is that significant? Because we were fighting! I didn’t want to hear you right then, or actually, I didn’t want to hear God right then! Thanks for the great post Kendra!! We need to hear these words!

    Reply
  14. Tovah says

    May 19, 2013 at 2:24 pm

    Great post!

    Yes, definitely my tone is not good…especially if I’m tired and I’m expecting my husband to read my mind.

    However, the thing that absolutely drives me nuts is when he does that passive-aggressive low voice complaining, when I wish he would just spit out what’s making him angry.

    Also, I tend to let things build up and then burst. Boy, is he confused then. lol.

    Reply
  15. Nicole says

    July 2, 2013 at 8:44 am

    Tone is so important in all of our relationships! Research shows that communication is 10% verbal and 90% nonverbal. So, the old saying “It isn’t so much what we say but how we say it” ………………… I guess that really is very true! Thank you for this reminder.

    Reply
    • Kendra says

      July 2, 2013 at 8:02 pm

      It is definitely “how we say it” that matters!

      Reply

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about-small Hello, my name is Kendra. I am married to an amazing young man named Jason, and together we have 3 boys! Here at A Proverbs 31 Wife, you will find posts on homemaking, natural living, marriage, and motherhood. My goal is to uplift and inspire Christian wives and Mothers. {Read More}

 

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