When you are talking to your man, how’s your tone? Are you nicely asking, nagging, demanding, whining?
How’s your tone? Or in this case mine.
Saturdays we sometimes sleep in, hubby more so than I. I wanted to go to the store and knew we didn’t need a lot, so we could walk. I went into the bedroom and told Jason to get up, because I wanted to go to the store. He asked what that had to do with him and I told him I was walking and he needed to come along to help me carry the bags.
Less than 2 minutes later, I hear him bagging things around and muttering under his breath while getting ready. I go back and ask him what’s wrong. True to the man style of communicating, he won’t respond. But I know he’s mad, so I press a bit. “WHY ARE YOU MAD?!”
Then it comes out. Instead of asking him to come to the store with me, I had demanded. My tone was not kind, or respectful towards him. To me, it just seemed like he should be getting up and out of bed any-way. To him, I was being rude and disrespectful. End result: angry husband and confused wife. Discord and not harmony.
We worked it out. He forgave me and we went to the store. But it’s something to think about, next time your man seems mad about something, ask yourself how’s your tone? I know I have a long way to go in that area, but I’m not giving up yet.
On to Matrimonial Monday. Link up what you’ve been learning the last week about being a Godly wife. Feel free to share anything that has to do with being a Proverbs 31 wife.
I have done that with Matt before (more of a telling instead of asking without even realizing what I was doing). He HATES that. So at least now I know ;). I try to ask and not order when I need help with something. I suppose no one likes it-that goes for us women too. I know I like to be asked and not ordered. Matt is usually really good at asking and not expecting me to do things. I have to say, I want to help him all the more because of the freedom he gives me that way. If he were to sound demanding or controlling I would not be joyful about helping at all. This post is a good reminder for sure!
I can relate as I have done this myself! When the kids were little I needed to remind myself that my husband wasn’t one of my children and I couldn’t just “boss” him around, lol!
I still need to watch my tone from time to time! Thanks for the reminder and for linking up to the “Making Your Home Sing Monday” linky party today! 😉
Also, thanks for hosting and I went ahead and linked up my posts!
*snicker* When I worked at the day care I would come home and treat Jason just like the kids. I don’t blame him for getting annoyed with me. 🙂
Guilty too! I have had to apologize severally for my tone but I am working hard at it and making progress. Thanks for the party!
Have a super blessed week!
Love
It’s just something many of us struggle with isn’t it? Thanks for stopping by!
I totally agree, Kendra. I think, as a rule, we pay greater attention to the tone than the message. And the hard part for me is, knowing when I’m coming across that way. When I’m the “giver of a negative tone” I don’t always see how it sounds or looks on the receiving end. So it takes some bravery to talk through this issue when I’ve offended my spouse. I’m so glad that you and your husband did talk through it. And I’m so glad you shared your story. It’s a great reminder and challenge, my friend.
Ouch!! Thanks so much!! And thaks also for hosting the linkup.
Some say that action speaks louder than words..but being a sensitive wife, I always pay attention on the tone. My husband is the most nicest person ever but when he’s mad and raises his voice, I feel like I want to disappear. So, we decided to talk things out, and it has great results! Thanks for sharing your story! 🙂
Raising Hand—–I’m VERY guilty of this.
I so need to work on this one. When my husband asks me for something, occasionally (and much more often than I would like) my words say ‘sure’, but my tone says, ‘What…you can’t get up out of the chair and get it for yourself?” *sigh*
Thanks for the reminder! Our pastor referred to the “Crazy Cycle” — if the wife doesn’t treat (and speak to) her husband with respect, he responds without love. Thanks for hosting & God bless!
Yes, this is something I am becoming more and more conscious of . My husband is a procrastinator by nature, and I am trying to find a balance. Honestly, I think a bit of this is simply because of everything that happened in the Garden of Eden. Women and men BOTH need to watch their tones, because my husband is as guilty of this as I am. Also,for either gender, be very careful what you commit to doing. If you say you are going to do something, DO IT. Don’t put your spouse in the position of having to “nag” you to meet your obligations. I am vey careful now what I even commit to. So, I guess, the bottom line is we need to show grace with one another…
Such a great bit of advice because we can say the exact same thing with two different tones and have two very different results.
When David and I started dating, I was doing that….just saying…”lets go to the beach” “just try my chicken, u will like it”. Then he spoke with me, kindly saying he was not a child, and felt I was ordering him to do or try things.
So now I have learned to ask if he would like to go to the beach, or would he like to try this new food.
And he does the same for me.
More talking and less feelings hurt.
We were driving the long trip home after spending the weekend with family, when I saw the title of this post. Why is that significant? Because we were fighting! I didn’t want to hear you right then, or actually, I didn’t want to hear God right then! Thanks for the great post Kendra!! We need to hear these words!
Great post!
Yes, definitely my tone is not good…especially if I’m tired and I’m expecting my husband to read my mind.
However, the thing that absolutely drives me nuts is when he does that passive-aggressive low voice complaining, when I wish he would just spit out what’s making him angry.
Also, I tend to let things build up and then burst. Boy, is he confused then. lol.
Tone is so important in all of our relationships! Research shows that communication is 10% verbal and 90% nonverbal. So, the old saying “It isn’t so much what we say but how we say it” ………………… I guess that really is very true! Thank you for this reminder.
It is definitely “how we say it” that matters!