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Look Into Their Eyes – Plus Living Proverbs 31 Linkup

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February 26, 2017 by Kendra 6 Comments

As a mom I have a bad habit. When I’m scolding a child, or upset with the boys, I tend to look over their heads, or even have my eyes nearly shut as I scold/complain/give a command etc. But what I really need to do is look into their eyes.

When you don’t look into a their eyes, a disconnect is happening. You can yell, scold, complain, whatever and you have no idea how it makes your child feel.

Your child shows you something they made, “look mommy! look at this!” and you glance at the item they are holding, and give a canned “good job sweetie” and continue on with what you are doing. There is a disconnect happening. You don’t see the eager, excited look in their eyes fade as they realize you didn’t really “see” what they were showing you.

Look into their eyes. Looking into your child's eyes helps build a connection between parent and child and encourages healthy communication.

When a disconnect happens, your child begins to stop coming to you. They get better at hiding their mischief, and they no longer seek your approval (they still want it, but why bother saying “mommy look” when mommy doesn’t see?)

There was a natural disconnect with the kids when I nanny’d and I worked really hard to always look into their eyes when we talked. This successfully built a great connection between us, and they trusted me to care for their needs.

But being a nanny is quite different than being a mom. As a mom I have many more responsibilities than just taking care of kids.

A couple months ago, I realized that I was once again, talking over my toddler’s head, not really looking at him when I was scolding him, and not really looking at him when he was seeking my attention. I needed to change that.

It’s still not easy, but here’s the thing. When I am upset at him, he already knows it and may not be looking at me to begin with.

Look into your child's eyes. Build a connection instead of disconnecting.Click To Tweet

When he’s naughty, that’s where the disconnect begins. Now, as a parent I need to help him reconnect to me. Reconnection happens when I look at him and use my words to build a bridge between us. Yes, he has been naughty and needs punished, but a punishment of any sort will not make sense to a child if he is not connected to me.

I’m not going to suggest what punishments you should use. Why? Because all children are different and not all infractions are the same.

Look into their eyes. Looking into your child's eyes helps build a connection between parent and child and encourages healthy communication.

Look into their eyes if they have been naughty. Seek to build a connection before the punishment. 

Look into their eyes if you find yourself becoming upset with them because they are, well, being children. Kids are often needy and whiny. Instead of getting upset because they are making it hard for you to accomplish anything (Whooo boy do I have a child like this!), do your best to reconnect with your child.

And when they excitedly ask you to look at something, actually LOOK at it. Then, look at them, look into their eyes, and smile. Thing is, when you look into the excited animated eyes of your child, you will smile automatically. You may find yourself thinking how cute they are. You may be sending silent praises to the Creator of All things and thanking Him for your child.

Looking into the eyes of a child, is amazing and will connect you in the best ways possible. I’m no child raising expert, but I am a mommy who knows just how amazing it is to just look into their eyes and build those connections.

An InLinkz Link-up


The worst advice I've received as a parent is thoughtless parenting advice.My pride kept me from having babies sooner. I wouldn't want to change the past because it has been full of blessings, but oh how I wish my attitude had been different.

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Filed Under: Faith & Family Tagged With: blessings, children, motherhood, parenting

Respectful opinions are always welcome

  1. Marci @ Stone Cottage Adventures says

    February 27, 2017 at 5:20 am

    These are wise words for all relationships. Thank you for hosting this lovely party! -Marci @ Stone Cottage Adventures

    I am co-hosting a couple of link parties myself this week. If you have time, I’d love for you to join the fun at my place. 😉 No pressure, of course!

    Reply
    • Kendra says

      February 27, 2017 at 10:34 am

      Thanks Marci, I’ll see if I can make it over there!

      Reply
  2. Elizabeth says

    February 27, 2017 at 9:25 am

    Such a great reminder for all of us mothers! I often get caught up in all the stuff that has to be done, and forget to take the time to really be with and appreciate my dear children! I certainly need to do a better job.

    Reply
    • Kendra says

      February 27, 2017 at 10:33 am

      It’s a universal struggle for us moms I’m sure!

      Reply
  3. Jennifer says

    February 27, 2017 at 12:25 pm

    Thank you for this amazing post; it is so important to look our children in the eyes and build that relationship, or connect with them, I too have problems doing so and have to work at it, not only with my children but with anyone really. Thank you again for this beautiful reminder and your lovely party, God bless!

    Reply
    • Kendra says

      March 3, 2017 at 1:03 pm

      Yes, looking people in the eyes is definitely important for building relationships! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your posts.

      Reply

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about-small Hello, my name is Kendra. I am married to an amazing young man named Jason, and together we have 3 boys! Here at A Proverbs 31 Wife, you will find posts on homemaking, natural living, marriage, and motherhood. My goal is to uplift and inspire Christian wives and Mothers. {Read More}

 

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