How about a year with no more drama? Or a Holiday season without the normal scheduling drama?
When I was growing up, it seemed that each year, the holidays brought drama, of the scheduling kind. My two grandparents traded off having the big family Christmas on Christmas eve and day. Whomever didn’t have their Christmas on the day would often try and schedule theirs as closely as possible.
Of course this is what would happen; Mother’s parents would have the family over on Christmas day and we’ll just say that Christmas was on a Wednesday, then my dad’s parents would have the families over on Saturday and Sunday. That all worked just fine as long as Christmas day actually fell on Tues. Wed. or Thurs. but that wasn’t often the case and we would end up worn out and sick of the whole Christmas thing.
That was just two families, I haven’t even mentioned the extended families who wanted us all to get-together on other weekends, and our own little family Christmas that got squished in where-ever.
As time went on things changed a bit and one set of Grandparents decided that we would have our family gathering the second Saturday of January. Always. If we made other plans, than we missed out. No more trying to find a date that suited every one each year. That has worked out amazingly well.
When Jason and I got married we had a discussion about plans and families and we decided no more drama for us. We set a plan up that has worked great. Hopefully this plan will give you some ideas and help when you are planning your holidays.
Our “No More Drama” System:
- First come first serve. When we hear of a gathering it gets added to the calendar. Then that date is taken and if something else comes up we politely mention that we already have plans and decline the invite.
- The Trump system. This one is simple: immediate family trumps extended family and family always trumps friends. So the closer related you are to us, the more likely you are that we will change our plans for you. 🙂 If my grandma asks for a date that Jason’s grandma has already reserved, we revert to the first come first serve.
It’s amazing how well this has worked for us. Both for holiday’s and for anytime throughout the year. And it’s not set in stone. Every once in awhile, we ignore the system and have a discussion as to what is most important to us in a particular situation.
If you are in charge of holding a family get together each year, consider dates further away from Christmas. A family gathering where everyone is there and more rested even if it’s a couple weeks before or after Christmas, is far better than a gathering closer to the time where every one is worn out, exhausted and grumpy. 🙂
As well, consider a set date. Jason and I have tried for years to get his grandparents to do that. It seems each year around November we have all these phone calls of “does this date work?” then, “okay that date didn’t work for so-and-so, how about this date?” at least a dozen calls are made to us before a date is set. Far more frustrating for them than us I am sure.
Christmas time is a wonderful time to reconnect with family and spend time together, but it can also be full of drama. In the end the decision is up to you but when there is a plan, especially between husband and wife, it’s easy to say “no more drama” and actually be able to enjoy the time with family.
That is SO much better than our system…for so many reasons. I will consider sharing this with my husband! In the meantime, this year finds us in the midst of much drama. 😛
I hope you’re feeling well, I’ve been praying for you almost every morning 🙂
Thanks for hosting!
Lisha, thank you so much! I am definitely doing better. I think the second trimester is going to go much better for me!
Hopefully your drama this year, slacks off and you can enjoy the time with family.
We have had drama for years with my husband’s family. Not mine. Mine has a reunion ever 2 or 3 years since we are spread apart. You shared some great ideas!! I really enjoyed reading them. Have a wonderful Christmas!!
Sounds like a great system! Thanks for the great post & for hosting & God bless!
We have learned to put us first and attend what we can if we can. Holidays were not meant to be stressful instead they are to be joyful. 🙂
I totally agree. Hubby and I realized that some people could be upset, but we decided early on that if we were stressed out and frustrated, then there was no way we could enjoy the family time.
That is an excellent plan. After we had a few children, and it became difficult to travel long distances, we determined to always have Christmas Day at home. New Years is always at my dad’s.
Luckily we have no drama over plans…I guess that is one good thing about having a small family! There are only 2 Christmas parties to consider..the little family Christmas with my parents, brother and I (which is still always Christmas morning) and the family Christmas which is the same people as the little Christmas morning gang , with My grandpa and aunt/uncle and 2 cousins thrown in the mix. Matt’s family doesn’t celebrate any holidays, so no worrying about whose side to spend it with either. I guess those are the positives. While the drama is stressful for so many people, in a way I can also see it as a blessing because of having so many family and friends to have to choose from! Some people out there are totally alone at Christmas and probably don’t even have 1 party to worry about. These tips sound like they would come in handy!
It is a blessing to have lots of family and I dearly love all of mine and hubby’s family. But when people are getting feelings hurt and there is heated words flying because we can’t all agree on a date, it isn’t any fun.
It’s too bad that Matt’s family doesn’t celebrate though. You don’t have to do gifts, it’s just a lot of fun to be with family 🙂
Really great way to avoid drama especially this time of year. I will keep this in mind as we celebrate this year. Thanks a lot for sharing, do have a super blessed day!
Love
Thanks Ugochi, I hope you have a wonderful day as well!
We’re drama-free this year! (ha.ha.) But we run into this kind of situation when we visit our family on the east coast, so what I do is let Hubs pick which days of our vaca he wants us to spend with his fam, then we fill the rest up w/my fam & our friends 😉
Your system sounds simply great! Thanks for sharing another good post. And for the linkup, Kendra. Merry Christmas to you and yours…
Great suggestions, Kendra! We all need to consider how we decide these important scheduling matters at Christmas and your two rules of thumb really bring clarity to the quandary! Thanks for hosting, my friend and Merry Christmas to you and your family!
My extended family held our Christmas gathering on December 15th this year. My husband’s parents always try to do the Saturday or Sunday before Christmas. My parents usually do Christmas Eve, and we spend Christmas Day at home with our children. (It took several years before this system fell into place!! Years ago it was everyone wanted Christmas Day, and we’d have 3 parties in one or two days!) Now it is much less stressful and we just enjoy the time we get at the gatherings with our family.
It’s sooo much better when you can spread it out and enjoy each gathering without being so tired!
I love the two Drama free Polices. When we move near to family next year this will help a lot! Since we have been away for the last 12 years next year will be very hard on our family. Our family is needy. Thanks for the advice.
JEM
PS I found you on Inspire Me Monday link party
I hope it works for you as well, as it has for us. But I can also understand your family wanting more time since you’ve been away for so long. 🙂