We were married 5 years before getting pregnant. This was by choice. Looking back I can see how pride kept me from having babies before we did.
When we got married, I took my small savings and paid off Jason’s truck. You could say we started at square one in financial terms.
Without government help there was no possible way to live on Jason’s income. He had a good job and he worked hard, his income paid our bills with nothing left over for gas or groceries. I loved my job so I kept working.
Over time we left square one. He worked hard, I worked hard and we bought a house and started building up a savings. His income increased some, but after buying a house so had our expenses. We still couldn’t live on his income.
I would see other families with an income like Jason’s where the wife didn’t work and they had kids. I knew they had food stamps and other forms of government help. While it didn’t bother me, neither did I want to be there. Perhaps I felt superior to them. We didn’t need help.
We were going to do this thing right. We were young and strong and could both work. We didn’t need help from anyone. We had our goals of paying the first house off, and having the money to buy our forever home in the country with lots of land for kids and animals.
I’m not saying there is anything wrong with being strong, determined and independent. But our, or at least my attitude wasn’t right. We didn’t need help from anyone and guess who was also cut out?
God.
Pride kept me from having babies sooner, and it also removed God from the picture. I’ve often wondered during the past few months, “what kind of miracles did I miss seeing God work in our lives because of my pride and determination to do it myself?”
Looking back, I see a lot of pride. But, I also see a lot of God. Even though I wasn’t totally trusting him, he blessed us in many ways.
After drilling my aunt on everything blogging related for hours one year at Christmas I was inspired to start my own blog. Over the past 3 years I’ve seen God’s hand at work here. He has blessed me, and blessed others in ways that I wouldn’t have ever imagined.
Shortly after I started blogging, I ended my time working at a daycare, and began watching the cutest little 2-year-old part-time. When the 2-year-old turned 3, a little brother joined their family and I began watching them both full-time.
Before the little girl’s brother was even born, the Lord really began convicting me that my attitude was wrong. Jason had been wanting to start a family and I was still being stubborn.
So after getting pregnant, I talked to the family I nannied for and they were fine with me bringing my baby and still watching their kids. Such a wonderful blessing it has been! I love those kids and Kolton loves coming and playing with them.
Pride kept me from having babies sooner, and my attitude was all wrong.
I’m thankful for the time we had without babies, the time Jason and I had to work out our differences (there were a LOT!). I’m thankful for the people with developmental disabilities that I served for years. And the different children I’ve watched and cared for, I’m thankful for all of it.
I’m not thankful for the way I cut God out.
I’ve been a working wife, a working mom, and soon I will be a stay at home mom. The now 5-year-old needs a ride to school and my vehicle only holds 3 car seats. The family began looking for a new nanny to start in Jan. and found the perfect one. Except she wants to start this month.
It makes me sad to be leaving that family soon and we will really miss the kids. Yet, I’m excited for this new chapter. Being a stay at home mom was always my dream and now that dream is happening.
What changed? We started having babies and now I’m quitting my job, did our financial situation really change that much? Nope. Jason did change jobs and things are better there, but quite frankly, this time we are trusting God.
Jason works hard, and I have this blog. Our house payment is our only debt and we have a savings. I’m letting my pride go here. God is going to be God now. I’m done taking control.
I’m not sure I would change anything about the last 7 years of marriage other than to have done a better job of trusting God and not being so determined to handle it myself.
Pride may have kept me from having babies sooner, but it’s not going to keep me from being a stay at home mom. My presence and attention to my children is more important than fancy clothes and the latest toys. Kids tend to enjoy non-toy things more anyway!
Have you ever had pride get in the way of trusting God?
Charlotte says
September 6, 2015 at 8:20 pmThank you for this! Its a daily struggle for me to lay our financial situation in Gods hands and trust Him! We hav been ttc for almost and yr and still I wonder if we do get pregnant will we b able to make it financially? I too worked in a daycare until we moved to a different area. Now I watch 5 kids (age 2 n under) in my home. Hopefully I can continue that even after our family grows! So thanks again for the reminder to hav faith in Gods ability to see us thru. Blessings on you n your growing family!
Kendra says
September 6, 2015 at 10:27 pmTTC can be such a trying time. Once I finally submitted and listened to God’s calling on me to become a mother, I doubted so many times, it only took us 5 months but I remembered wondering if I God was “punishing” me for holding out so long. Yes, I know God doesn’t work that way, but the devil sure likes to mess with one.
I cannot make promises that it will happen for you, but I can promise that if God wants you to become a mother, you will. God has a perfect plan for each of us and it’s in motion even when we doubt him.
And… 5 kids under 3? whew! how many times do they all decide to cry at once? The baby I nanny is 11 mo older than my son and we had many days where they both decided to cry at the same time 🙂
Charlotte says
September 6, 2015 at 11:25 pmOh I should hav clarified lol ther not all ther on the same day. The most I hav at once is 3 and every once in a while itll b more. I label myself as a mom-in-training 😉
Kendra says
September 7, 2015 at 9:14 amThat sounds a little better 🙂
And mom-in-training is right. taking care of other people’s children helps one realized that they may have unrealistic expectations towards having their own kids. But I will tell you that it is impossible to be prepared for the way your own kids will yank at your heart strings. The babies I nanny pull mine for sure, but they don’t have near the strength for it that my son does 🙂
Anastasia says
September 6, 2015 at 9:18 pmSuch a cute little man you have! Being a stay at home mom certainly increases our trust in God when the financial storms hit but He is so faithful! Thanks for hosting the link up!
Kendra says
September 6, 2015 at 10:22 pmI know. Those storms have me worried, but I’m trying to trust and know that God is still in control no matter what.
Thanks for linking up!
Laurie Collett says
September 6, 2015 at 10:52 pmIt is a daily battle between wanting to do things in our own flesh and yielding to His Spirit, realizing that without Him, we can do nothing. Thanks for the great post & for hosting, & God bless.
samantha says
September 6, 2015 at 11:14 pmMy husband and I wanted another baby but I wanted to finish paying off some debt because I was to quit my full time job to stay home. My husbands income alone would not keep us afloat. He decided he wanted a baby now. So I quickly like within 3 weeks got pregnant. I had 9 months to pay on our debt. Of course I didn’t get a single thing paid off. One child had his appendix removed and my hubs got sick. So there were two more hospital bills. I told my husband I would have to return to work in order to pay our bills. He refused and I followed him. I was going to trust him and the Lord. Two weeks after our daughter was born my husband got a raise and they doubled his salary! Oh what blessings you get when you just believe and trust in the Lord. He will do the same for you too. Keep praying. Bless you and your babies! We are all pulling for you!
Kendra says
September 7, 2015 at 9:17 amWhat an amazing story and it’s really encouraging for me to hear!
I kinda messed up between choosing insurance coverage and choosing a dr for this baby’s birth and we are ending up having to pay a lot. I expected to have work through Dec. and planned on paying off all the dr bills ahead of time and now of course that isn’t going to happen. But I’m trusting that something will be worked out.
Lux says
September 7, 2015 at 3:37 amThank you for your honesty in sharing this really intimate story. This gives me hope and inspiration.
Nannette and the Sweetheart says
September 7, 2015 at 9:17 amSuch a sweet post Kendra and beautiful pictures of your little guy. Blessings!!
Joy says
September 7, 2015 at 11:43 am“What kind of miracles did I miss seeing God work in our lives because of my pride and determination to do it myself?” That’s a heavy one to ponder, for so many areas of our lives. God doesn’t step in with a miracle, until we step into the deep and trust Him.
Lisa says
September 8, 2015 at 2:03 amI really needed to read this tonight, thank you so much for sharing. I’ve been rather prideful in many areas of my life, and the Lord has been showing me that I need to trust in Him more. This post was just another gentle reminder, thanks!
Kim Sullivan says
September 8, 2015 at 11:53 amKendra,
I am so excited for you to stay home with your children. I have been a full-time mom and wife for almost 2 1/2 years now and while things can be financially challenging, I know that this is what God wants me to do. The difference this has made in our children’s lives is enormous. The situation has also helped to heal my marriage and be a Godly wife to my husband. I wish you all the best and will be praying for your family!
Bianca says
September 10, 2015 at 10:17 pmGreat post Kendra!
We are nearly in the same position. I am 3 weeks off having my first child and we have been surviving on my husbands income since Feb when I resigned upon learning I was pregnant. I too have always drawn security from our financial position and the amount of savings we had in the bank. For a while my only goal was to purchase a house ASAP as I thought this was what we needed. I live in Australia though and with an average 3-4 bed home costing on average $1m our deposits (I think you call them down payments?) are $100k. God has used this time off to reprioritise my brain and focus on trusting our financial situation to him. I once felt like a failure to having to postpone our home for our first child but now I have been transformed! We have one life… We cannot take any of these houses or cars with us… The only thing on our death bed we will have are memories. I’d rather them be of my family and babies rather than how much I had in the bank or a house I once bought!
God Bless
Kendra says
September 14, 2015 at 9:54 amThis is so true! my babies will always be more important than material things! Thanks for sharing your story with me.