I typically stay away from controversial subjects, the Duggar issue included. But there are thoughts burning in my heart that I can no longer stay quiet about.
The devil is having a heyday right now, he has exposed skeletons, turned Christians on each other and proven once again that we are all fallen, sin-prone beings. Even though we are saved, and live in the spirit, our spirit dwells in a very human body.
And that, brings me to this:
My heart hurts for those involved in the Duggar situation. It hurts for the victims, it hurts for the parents, and yes, it hurts for the sinner. What happened was wrong. There is no doubt about it, but instead of pointing fingers and laying blame, I challenge you join me in looking in the mirror for just one moment.
We are Not Immune to Sin. Becoming a christian does not mean we are suddenly immune to sin, neither does it mean we will not be tempted. Instead, being a christian means we are given power over sin in Christ Jesus.
For years, (long before we started a family) I prayed that our children would be safe from sexual molestation. I prayed that they would not be defiled. I prayed that God would help me as a parent to protect them and keep them safe.
Never once did I think to pray that they would not become the molester. Have you? We are not immune to sin. Our children are of the same fallen race as we are, and they are even more susceptible to the Devil’s wiles because of their youth and inexperience.
I’m pretty sure none of us expect our children to be the “bad guys”. Have we not spent their entire lives protecting them from evil?
Let me make this clear. No one is exempt from temptation. Not us, and certainly not our children.
I for one, am changing my prayer just a little. I am praying that God will protect them from molestation, but I’m also praying that God will help keep their hearts and minds pure. That I will be aware of the struggles that my children are experiencing and be equipped to guide them on the right path.
Many are blaming the parents and saying they handled things incorrectly, and perhaps they did. But before you judge them too harshly, I want you to do this.
Look at your children. The children you carried under your heart for 9+ months. The ones you suffered through great agony to bring into the world. Or maybe you carried them in your heart for months and even years before bringing them home.
These are your children, the ones you would lay down your life for.
Now imagine that one of your younger children comes to you with the information that an older sibling had inappropriately touched them. What would you do? What would you do?
I think we would all agree that we would take whatever measures necessary to protect the younger ones. But if you can claim without blinking an eye that you would turn your child straight over to the police, then you are either lying through your teeth, or you don’t have children.
That isn’t an easy question to answer.
I pray I am never in that situation, and I pray the same for you. In the meantime I ask this. Stop throwing stones. Instead of pointing out everything they did wrong, look at yourself and say, “what could I do better to prevent that?”.
The devil likes to get us stirred up about things outside our homes, so he can sneak in and destroy the inside. Dear parents, please be on guard. Don’t get so caught up in what others are doing wrong, that you miss what is happening right under your own noses.
We are not immune to sin, and neither are our children. Only by the power of God can we overcome temptation and it’s up to us to pray that power for our children until they are of an age of understanding, and even then we should continue praying for them.
A very well written post, Kendra. Thank you! -Marci @ Stone Cottage Adventures
This is what I wrote as a facebook comment on this situation the other day…
“SO, my heart has been so sad about the whole Duggar “thing”…. and I will not comment on what I think (but feel free to ask for my opinion in person)… but I will say this… I am reminded this week that skirts, character training, homeschooling, pure entertainment choices, and authoritative parenting do not make our children holy… JESUS CHRIST makes them Holy… not sin free… but Holy… we need to feed the GOSPEL every day to ourselves first… and then to them…. and at the end of the day, they will fail… but, they won’t have to live in despair… because they will have HOPE… SO, let’s feed our children HOPE… and cling to it as we feed it… #GoodNews #GodNews #Jesus #OurLivingHope “
So true! Our lives should be a reflection of christ, but just our lives will not save us. Hope is what we need for sure.
This post was very well written. It addressed the heart of our life on earth, being in the world but not of the world. Thank you for saying what I was feeling. You did a great job. Sandy
Well said, Kendra. Thank you!
First of all, let me say… We are a Christian family who had one of our sons be the “bad guy”. We know first hand the devastation, hurt, sadness & grief that goes along with that. I can “claim without blinking an eye that” that we wished we would have turned our “child straight over to the police”. I am absolutely NOT lying theough my teeth, and I most definitely have children – 5 to be exact. If we would have done that, I’m pretty sure it would have saved an immense amount of ongoing grief! Here’s the thing that’s always bothered me about the Duggars… if they would have been a real family from the very beginning (instead of acting like they had everything together all the time) , I think people might be more kind in their response. I don’t mean to be harsh, but I think they set themselves up for this. We have to be real with one another even though it’s extremely humbling and sometimes downright terrifying. Trust me, I know.
I don’t really know much about the family. Watched the show a few times and found it interesting, but I came from a larger family myself, and have very little time to watch tv, so like I said, know very little about them or how fake/real they are.
I’m sorry you regret how you handled your son. I wonder if there is any way to ever come out of that situation without regrets. This happened in my family (growing up) and the pd were involved. To be honest they created even more drama to the point of taking the kids from my mom who had done everything right (moved the young offender out and kept the kids with her at night).
I read one person blaming the homeschool arena. The boys being home and not having girls and girlfriends at school etc to “explore with”. Ultimately the offender sinned, but I do think there is a bit too that. We weren’t talked to about sex, we just all knew, and neither were we prepared for the raging hormones and our parents were too busy to realize what was going on.
At any rate, the entire situation leaves regret with all parties, no matter how one handles it. Even when I was little more than a teen myself and blamed the victim rather than the brothers I adored.
I will say this though: God is good. He brings beauty from ashes and restores that which was lost. His blessings do multiply and if your family is still broken, I pray you will also find healing.
I DO want to clarify that God has healed the victim. She has an amazing testimony that God is using in marvelous ways. Although our son is a Christian, he has ongoing issues. We pray for him & brokenness daily.
I find it amazing and humbling how God can take our brokenness and turn it into something amazing. I will pray for your son as well.
Thanks for posting this. It really needed to be said. As far as the Duggars “pretending” they have it all together, that is far from the truth. And it would have been wrong and downright cruel to expose their minor child’s sin to the world. There is a lot of stone throwing unfortunately and it breaks my heart to see this. I pray that the Duggars and the victims get through this.
I also hope those responsible for bringing this to the public’s attention are happy with themselves for the pain they have caused and bringing to light something that isn’t any of our business.
The things people do in the name of the money god 🙁
Bravo. Well spoken.
I too have avoided the backlash about the whole Josh Duggar situation. I was torn when I first heard about it. I was a victim of sexual abuse more than once growing up, so I certainly felt strongly for whoever Josh’s victims were.
Yet the other part of me knows that God’s grace and redemptive power is greater than ANY sin and that He does heal ~ through various methods and ways. I am a living testimony to that and live a victorious life. Those experiences no longer have power over me (in my mind or actions).
I believe one thing that hasn’t been discussed is why Josh did what he did. Statistics show that most men who were sexually abused (by either gender) as children act out and/or abuse. I wonder if something happened to Josh? Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me.
However it was handled by the Duggars is history. Everyone keeps crying out for the victims, and I wonder to what end? Do they want to hear from all of these girls personally? Why? To satisfy some abhorrent desire to see this to the end?
I’ve watched 19 Kids And Counting for years. While I don’t agree with everything they do, their kids are well-adjusted, happy, intelligent, God-fearing, and an asset to society. You just can’t fake that for years at a time in front of millions of viewers. I think it’s more of a witch hunt at this point against Christianity in general, and I agree with you Kendra; the devil is having a hay-day.
Yours is the only blog I have commented on. It’s taken me this long to process it. Bottom line? I’m doing what God says to do. Pray. I’m praying for this family. I can’t imagine what they are ALL going through.
Thanks for posting a common-sense approach to this delicate topic.
I’ve wondered that about Josh myself. However as someone who has seen generational sin in action, it could just be that. Sins of the parents, may open doors in our children that we are not aware of because we have gained victory and over came the past and never realized that our children could have the same struggles we did.
Bottom line for me is I’m glad I’m not alone when it comes to parenting my son and any other children we may be blessed with 🙂